I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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