please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
