Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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