your parents love me but you hate me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
