It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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