I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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