his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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