oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
