Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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