When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
