end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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