thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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