I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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