i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
