There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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