how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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