this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
