Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
