i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
