Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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