I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
