chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
