That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
