What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
