I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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