You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
