His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
