Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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