Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
