We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
