So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
