Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Did you just see the Batmobile???
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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