I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
