Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
