3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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