At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
