Do you still have your period?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
