just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
