I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
