My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
