Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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