she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
