Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
