i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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