my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
