Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
