Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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