I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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