Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
