covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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