nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
