The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
