Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
