he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
